


Something new, something broken

by Clairianne



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, First Kiss, Guns, M/M, POV First Person, Slow Build, Violence, metions of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:23:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4618344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clairianne/pseuds/Clairianne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My stings of remorse prevent me from sleeping well, from thinking clearly. The fact that I can still see the scratches on his face when he passes me on the corridors doesn’t help, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rain started falling down from the heavy sky a long time ago and is still audible as a metrical knocking on the window. It’s Friday evening, the dorm is almost empty, excluding very few losers like me, who don’t have anywhere to go. Max is presumably with Chloe, or with her new friend Victoria, and is very likely to stop thinking about me the moment we saw each other after lunch. It should be heartbreaking, but it’s not. Not anymore.

 

I’m sitting on a windowsill and looking in the darkness interspersed only by the small, green lights belonging to fireflies, I'm thinking. Usually, it’s like a sedative for me, with the darkness in the room and silence in the building. But my heart is clenched now, giving no rest, as all the time lately.

 

There was the end of the world we all knew, so I have a reason.

 

Kate is alive, happy like she was before. Rachel was found, even if dead. Max nearly died, but became our hero. Someone will be punished for all the wrong done to all that girls from Blackwell, and much  more adolescents not known. Someone would be... But no one wants to tell us the whole truth. Only that we were too wrong about some people, we failed as schoolmates and we need to live with consequences.

 

I look down and instantaneously feeling the blush of shame creeping on my cheeks. Someone is sitting on the stairs leading to our dormitory. I can see how the small, orange dot lights up there, and then slowly dies. That hunched silhouette, red baseball jacket and cigarette reminds me of someone.

 

I'm too sure it's Nathan Prescott to be calm.

 

Its not like I just spotted him. I tried to look away few times since I had stayed by the window. He is sitting there an hour now, and all that time I'm looking, and trying to force myself to act.

 

Of course, I’ve got so huge remorse towards him and I was trying so hard not to show it to anyone, that I’ve been looking at him nearly week, always nervously and with tension. Thanks to my intrusive occupation I can spot his silhouette from afar now.

 

His sight reminds me of the words I heard earlier. Brooke pointed them in my direction after our science lesson, but I’m not sure she seriously wanted my answer then. She told them like it was something she wanted to hear aloud, so she just told it by herself.

 

_“Life was so much easier in Blackwell before Max showed up. We had something like our truth, and we believed in it. We lived our lives, hating people we thought are worth hating, and they were acting like they wanted to be hated. We liked people who were easy to like, and they allowed us to do so. It’s so, so weird that a small push was enough to all our beliefs just vanished. And now, everything turned out to shit, and we can’t be so sure about anything, anymore”._

 

I’m thinking about my truth too much lately. The one I nursed all my being at Blackwell and where did it lead me.

 

I tried to be out of everything, I knew why am I in Blackwell, and with who should I be friends with to stay neutral. But Brooke was right. Max appeared and everything turned out just wrong. My truth changed and I started to look at life as Max would see it, I wanted to be her friend so much.

 

And all of that leaded me to the truth I'm still wanting to forget about. To the boy, not man yet, lying on a cold floor, covering face with his hands, crying. I tried, but I still can’t forget about all the blood on his shirt, about how tiny his voice became when he was repeating over and over again: “Everybody hates me… everybody”.

 

It’s terrifying, knowing that I did that. That I’m capable of doing such things to the person I don’t even know well. That I believed in that one truth so much I didn’t think it could be wrong… That being Nathan Prescott to me meant  that the person deserve the worst.

 

It wasn't hard, to think that he is nothing more than an asshole. It was easy, listening to other people and looking at him only on the moments when he's angry, or pissed. What's worse, it was too easy to believe Max that he's capable of doing such wrong things to that girls. It was easy to beat him up, to see his pain...

 

My stings of remorse prevent me from sleeping well, from thinking clearly. The fact that I can still see the scratches on his face when he passes me on the corridors doesn’t help, either. Or the fact that people looks at him as they are scared of him, even if we all know too well he was dragged into that situation against his will, and had no possibility to escape. He doesn’t look at me challenging anymore; he barely looks at anyone, as well as talks. Only Victoria is close to him, as always, and only next to her he looks less pale and exhausted. But they’re not the same people as before; as well as all of us.

 

I feel the tension in the room now, which I made by myself. I know that I have the grates possibility to apologise now, when barely no one is on campus and I won’t be disturbed. I was wrong, we all were. I need to apologise, try to know someone better before judging.   
Even if the case is closed.  

 

I grab my sweater and leave the room, having my quick heart beating as accompaniment.   
  
He shows no knowledge of my arrival when I'm opening the front doors. It’s cold and even darker than I thought. I take place next to him, under the roof, leaving some space between us. I can see his nervous movements as he brings the cigarette to his lips. He looks young, lost... And hurt.

 

“Aren’t you cold, Nathan?”, I ask, even if I’m not sure it's something you should start the conversation with. Especially when only week ago you wanted to kill the person you're talking with.

 

“Doesn’t matter”, he says with his new, sad, quiet voice. That is the first time I hear him lisping. Finally, he looks at me, showing bruises on the smooth skin. “Why are you here?”

 

“I…”, I try to say something, but even lack of a sarcasm in his voice makes me feel more and more confused. “I… I want to apologise. About… you know what... I know it's too late for that, but I was so nervous to do this...”

 

“You don’t have to”, he returns to his previous position with any emotion. "I am the one who needs to apologise, but I don't know if I can", that words sound painfully serious.

 

I shift uncomfortably.

 

"Shit, man, no, don't say that", I hope shock isn't the most audible emotion in my voice now. "I was the one who beats you... When you were lying on that floor... And you begged me for stop... I fucking didn't", I hear how my voice breaks and I need to cough loudly. I finish, quieter. "I didn't stop"

 

He doesn't even move, looking straight, with abandoned cigarette in hand.

 

"You have your reasons. I pull a fucking gun on you and your friends, Warren. I was so out of control that day I fucking pull that gun and I wanted all of that to be over and..."

 

"That doesn't change anything! Fuck... I hurt you so much, I didn't even knew the truth back then and I didn’t even know to know... I just thought I need to push you away from Max and Chloe... Shit… And I couldn't stop, God, I'm so…”, my voice sounds incredibly broken, “That doesn't explain me at all! You still have those marks on your face, and I think about it every time I see you, how much you were hurt, how could I? How... How could I leave you on that floor? I, shit, man, I don't know you at all and... I assumed you need to do those things, because you're an asshole, but I know now, God, how stupid I was, nobody deserves what I did to you... I didn't even know I'm capable of doing such things", I mumble, I know that, but I am always bad at trying to make things better.

 

"I am an asshole. I did a lot of wrong things. I beat you, too. I deserved all of your rage. I am awful person, I've got awful family and everyone hates me", he says it more to himself, with bitterness hurting my ears. "People wants me dead. I want me dead, too, so, not a big deal... I was so out of control, I didn't know what to do with myself, with all that situation, and Max was pushing me so much, everyone pushes me..."

 

"What? No, Nathan, please don't say things like that", I try, because I start to feel how dangerously the tension between us grows.

 

"I have nothing to lose right now, have I?", he looks at me, with his maliciously beautiful eyes. I see their sad, blue expression even with dim light from the corridor behind us. I start to be scared, because I know that tone he uses; that one the strangest, with cracking voice, when the tears in his eyes are almost audible. That one when he dangerously quicken with words and breathes through the teeth; that one panicked, scared. "Everyone hates me. Nothing explain me, nothing, right? Nobody wants to know the truth, because it would be me who says it! Nobody will believe me, because everyone has their own opinion about me, even when they don't know me from shit. Yeah, I'm psycho, I'm rich as fuck, and I get away with everything... That's the truth everyone wants to fucking hear”  
  
The worst thing is the fact that he doesn’t even need to prepare that words; he needed to think about all of that things after I arrived. But… how long?  
  
”But nobody is asking what price I paid to have that. Nobody has ever asked what am I feeling”, he continues, “Because nobody cares. It's nothing you beat me, Graham... I'm hurt anyway, all the time, so its not a big deal. If not you, it would be me, my fucking father, or that asshole Jefferson. And they would tell you all the things... Yes, they would say something about me, how pathetic and weak I am, because I couldn't do anything they told me... So pathetic, always", he's crying silently now, his sobs filling the air around us, and I had never felt so helpless before. I think, again, how wrong I was all the time.

 

For a moment, I just listen to his quiet sobs and words, saying over and over again, how much he deserve all of that, how weak he is. I listen, and my heart breaks piece by piece.

 

"God, Nathan, no, any of that...", not thinking, I put my arm around his shoulders. He doesn't stop crying, but I feel how he moves closer. My heart warms a little, but it was nothing comparing the pain I am feeling. "You don't deserve any of that... Not from your family, or from principal... And definitely from me... God, I'm so so sorry, it was so fucking stupid! I will never, ever do such things to you again... I can't look at myself anymore because what I did... I", my voice breaks once again. "I can't look at you when you're hurt like that...God, we're not learning on our wrongs, are we?", I smile sadly, caressing his arm. It should be weird, but probably we need this. His breath evens a little.

 

"I'm not mad at you, you know that?", he says, quietly, after the long moment.

 

I am in shock for a while.

 

"I don't understand, but I know... I know", I sigh, feeling that he's not crying anymore.

 

" I... Should thank you, Warren. You care even so much about me so you wanted to apologise... it's something nobody has ever done to me", he still sits next to me, our knees touching. The tension is here, but not as destructive as before. My heart finally loses that grip I had for so long, and now the only thing I'm feeling is mental fatigue. "I know I was such an asshole to you that week... I wish I wasn’t. You don't deserve that. You're too good to be sitting here with me right now... I'm done with this school, nobody wants even talk with me anyway..."

 

"It may sounds weird, but... I do care about you... After I... I did what I did, I realized I'm not better than you on your asshole mode, and I... It’s weird, I know, but... You just said so much weird and personal things... And I realised I want to know that part of your life..." I sigh, looking at his face. God, does it sound as bad as I think it does? "Can we try to start once again? Try to... I don't know, communicate better? I want to care about you like friend, so you won't feel alone, anymore...", I can see tears in his bloody eyes. "I want to fix what I once broke"

 

His look at me is very long and serious.

 

"You... You really want that? Want my friendship, after everything I've done to you?", he doesn’t think I'm serious, I can hear it.

 

"Fresh start", I say, with a shy smile.

 

"You are really something, Warren. I know I don't deserve this", he says, weeping the tears away. " Really something...", he looks at his pale hands for a moment. "I... I want that, too"

 

We smiles, and I feel my heart squeeze, this time happily. Rain is still falling down, fireflies are still trying to lighten the sky. But I am feeling as that world is something other than it was a while ago.

 

"You look so pale, man", I say after the long moment, when he rests against my knee. "How much did you sleep lately?"

 

"I...", he makes a gesture as he wants to comb his fringe, but stops only a millimeters from it. "I didn't, to be honest. I can't sleep at all"

 

"From when?", I force him to look at me; his bangs under eyes are so huge I feel sorry for him even more.

 

"Something like week", he says, as if he is ashamed. "I'm... I'm off with my meds and... And I was feeling so alone, so empty... I just can't... I was thinking about all of those things... I'm so fucking pathetic... So pathetic..."

 

The sadness floating around him is something what smothers me. I feel it will be hard friendship, after all. Hard, but needed. Especially for me.

 

"Maybe... You should sleep in my room with me tonight? We can watch some stupid movie that will make you sleepy, and I will be here... I can sleep on my sofa, and tomorrow we'll talk about your medicines and how much do you need to have them", it is crazy, but I have huge need to help him, like, right now.

 

He thinks so, too, I can see it in his eyes.

 

"You want me to sleep with you?", he asks.

 

"I think its great idea. I can have an eye on you, you won't be alone...", he looks as he wants to say something sublime, I can see the strong feelings on his face. He is looking at me a very long time.  
  
  
"Okay, I'll go... But I can have nightmares and I can wake you on the middle of a night and I..."

 

"I'll risk", I get up and hold a hand in front of him. He grips it with his ice-cold one.

 

"You're really something, Graham", he says, once again.

 

I can live with that, I realise at the same time.

 

**

 

Window is open, letting the cold and crispy air feeling the room. It's so late it can be even early, but it's weekend, anyway.

 

He is nothing I thought he would be. He is laughing at my film picking, but watches it anyway, sitting with the blanket around his shoulders, commenting the plot and not believing my enthusiasm.

 

But he still looks too tired and too sad to be left alone as he was last weeks. He is older than me, but right now I'm feeling otherwise.

 

He is a little sleepy when the movie ends, but we're not going to sleep. He's not talking about the problems, and I don't force him to do so; it's not the time or the place, I can be tactful sometimes. He talks about Victoria and his sister, thought, and when he's doing that, I can see the light on his face I’ve never seen before, and I really like that view.

 

I can't find anything from the Nathan-I-knew-from-afar with true-Nathan. He's nervous, still in pain, but there is no pressure, no aggressiveness. He looks lost, he needs medicines, he is tired. He can be asshole, he just realised his family can't buy him happiness and freedom, but... But he's not bad. He wants to impress people, to make himself important, when family is doing everything so he won't feel special, at all.

 

He finally falls asleep. I'm still sitting on a floor, in front of his face lying on one of my pillows. I'm looking at him to be sure his breath are even. It is not for a long time, but then evens. He's hunched, as always, with the hands under the purple chin.

 

That's the first, and probably only time, I can see him relaxed, peaceful... And in that moment, he looks beautiful. His long eyelashes are moving slightly, parted lips looks bruised, but soft, and one brown forelock is lying on the smooth forehead, destroying the feeling of symmetry.

 

He looks beautiful, but I want to keep it to myself. I know tomorrow will be awkward and hard, as always, when you want to build something new from something broken. But as for now, I just sit here, just moment longer, just checking if he's sleeping...

 

"I hope you're safe in your sleep, Nathan", I whisper, catching that strand of hair with my fingers and placing them in its place.  
  
  
And I really mean that.

  
  



	2. Safe place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He told me once I'm becoming his "safe place", when he can be himself all the time and he’s feeling normal, when he’s not scared and can be happy. I only smiled at him, that day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that since then without blushing and annoying knot in my stomach.

One thing about high school is always right: people forgets about stuff. Even if it’s something dark and worrisome and causing sleepless nights.   
  


Especially, when after everything, spring came. Spring is refreshing, more beautiful than ever. It some kind of heals, teaches us not to think about the past and forgets about old misunderstandings. Tries to show us how to live the moment.    
  
  
“I won’t be fucking talking to you if you’ll be ignoring me every time I’m trying to do that, Graham”, I hear next to me and see Victoria, standing above me, looking annoyed.   
  
“You know I’m not avoiding, I’m observing”, I smile, apologetically, she sighs loudly, but still sits next to me. I can hear something like  _fucking nerd spoken_ under her breath.  
  
If I could write one book in my entire life, it would be some kind of a guide with meaningful title, like “How to befriend people you have nothing in common with and probably hated each other last semester”. I still can’t believe how it is possible that Victoria and I can get along so smoothly sometimes… when we have only one thing in common: best friends.

 

I had no choice, though. She started to date Max, my best friend, after all. It was strange, at first, seeing them not hating each other, but being nearly inseparable, however... Blackwell should be known from weird stuff going around and, who am I, from all people, to judge?  
  
I became best friend with Nathan Prescott, after all, what was even better reason to get along with Victoria.  
  
“By the way, Nate asked about you being able to meet with him in the evening”, she says casually, leaning on stairs behind her. I think for a second, where is Taylor or Courtney; not that I adore them, it’s just weird to sit alone with her, when neither Max nor Nathan are around. “And it would be recommended by me, too”

 

I feel a small pang in the heart.  
  
“Do you foresee a breakdown today, after the therapy?”, I ask, because, how much I want to know him the best, I have shorter probation in this than she has.   
  
“It’s inevitable. They’ll be talking about his father today”, she sighs again, and I just nod.  
  
“We have our weekly movie night today, so I would be with him anyway”, I say, feeling the sadness at the same time.

 

I have nothing in common with Victoria, but still… we’re working together just fine. We have the same goal: try to help Nathan being happy again. We even elaborated common plan how to help, and it works. If she can’t force him to do something, she texts me and then I’m trying, with 90% success, and vice versa. With combined forces, we persuaded him to re-initiation of his psychiatric therapy and quit selling drugs...  we’re trying with changing small issues, like reconciliation with Chloe, too.  
  
It’s almost half a year since I started to be friends with Nathan Prescott. It’s never easy, as I had thought the first day, but it works out just fine for both of us. I can see how such a small thing like him knowing I’m near all the time and he can come to me with every stupid thing, always, is helping him. He uses this a lot, and I realised it never bothers me. I am even proud of the trust he’s giving me.   
  
He returned to his previous position of Vortex Club prince and people quickly forgot about not talking with him. He is still a dick, far from being stable and sometimes he acts incoherently. But in the same time, he tries to change his life and is likely to reject help less. He wants me to help him, and I’m more than willing to do that. Even if that means I need to change my life, too.

I’m still spending unhealthy amount of hours in science lab with Brooke and watching too much B movies, it won’t never change. But now, I have also much less sleep, someone who spams mobile phone better than me and movie nights every week.   
  
“He’ll finish his lessons now; you should remind him you’re for him”, she says seriously, as she gets up and adjust her skirt. “You know he needs to hear it”

I nod and in a moment she’s gone behind school door; very probably not wanted Max to start being too much talkative with me, as always happens when they’re in a hurry. They’re having some plans for today I don’t want to know about. It’s normal, not disagreeable.   
  
I’m always nervous before Nathan therapy; even if I know it helps him, it also stresses him a lot. And when he’s stressed, he’s either angry or scared. After that, his tired and almost always sleeps only when I’m around.  
  
We’re often fighting because of his aggressiveness or stubbornness; he’s saying too much things towards me and I’m not remaining the debt. It always looks the same; I’m coming back to my room and he’s knocking to my door in an hour, miserably and sorry. And I’m never mad at him, I’m always saying “It’s okay”, and it is, to be frustrated sometimes, especially with all the fuss around you.   
  
  
“Hey, Graham, move your ass from the stairs, you’re blocking it”, I hear and instantly get up. It’s Hayden with his well known, smug smile, patting me on the back. I wave him awkwardly; as much as I like him the most from Nathan’s friends, he’s still overwhelming.  
  
Nathan is the last person leaving school. He looks hunched and nervous, but when I wave at him and he spots me, he instantly brightens in a way it should be illegal for such an handsome boy as he is.

Have I mentioned I had a crush on him? No? Well... it should be visible from the moon. Fortunately, not for him.  
  
“Nathan, my man, how are you?”, I ask when he’s hugging me lightly. In that moment I can scent that well known perfumes of his, which in the past few months became associated with feeling of security and warm.  
  
“It’s so nice to see you right now, Warren! I’m fucking terrified, really!”, he says, when we unconsciously make the way to the parking lot.   
  
“Just calm down. You know you will say only things you want to. Nobody is pushing you”, I say calmly, even if I’m in as much stress as he is.   
  
“I know, it’s just… it’s like, always the same level of hard”, he sighs, very similar to Victoria.

“Don’t worry too much, Nathan. In a few hour, you will be over that”, I manage to say, when we’re standing next to his car and he’s hopping from foot to foot nervously. “And then, I’ll be waiting for you with popcorn and another amazing film. What do you say about ‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire hunter?’”, I can see how he’s trying not to laugh. I love that sight of him too much for my own good.   
  
“Thank you, Warren”, he says quietly, hugging me, more tightly now. I still can’t get used to him liking that physical contact. I would never admit to anyone how often I need to remind myself it's a friendly way. “And I’ll be glad to see you in the evening”

I watch him leave, thinking how much shouldn’t I be excited about his last words.  
  
**  
  
I’m lying on my bed, waiting; even if it’s spring, darkness still falls quickly.  
  
I’m lying, with quiet music around me (some Alt-j mix tape I once borrowed from Max and never actually returned), waiting, and thinking about Nathan. It’s the common thing in my mind lately, especially when we’re spending almost every evening together.

It’s so much to know about him, what nobody seems to be aware of. He’s funny and cheerful when he’s relaxed. He can always surprise me with something, like the fact that he’s always acts annoyed when I’m explaining him something in scientific way. He’s annoyed, but he always listen to the very end, asking questions. It’s like, he’s interested in every topic you can possibly start talking about, but is ashamed of admitting it. Isn’t that awesome? Especially for such a weird science guy as me, yes, I can tell, it is fricking awesome.  
  
He likes to tease me about everything, I like to point out how ignorant is he when it comes to music or books. He’s telling me I should to do something about my not-the-flattest belly, I recommend him taking yoga lessons to remove tension from his body.  
  
On Christmas, he gave me my favorite Dr Who series 5 on DVD, which I accepted with dignity (then cried in joy in loneliness). I gave him a new copy of _Relaxation techniques_  and pendant (done by myself, with some _huge_ help) with the quote I think he should remember when he’s down and I’m not around: _“You are stronger then you feel you are now”._ Every time I see that next to his car keys, I’m proud.  
  
He’s still sleeping badly. I once said he can always comes to my room, and since then I’m having a lot of night awakenings. It not bothers me, I understand him to the point I’m always leaving sound on in my mobile phone and stops closing the door to my room. In that mornings I can always says if he’s thinking too much (he’s sleeping on the sofa), or having bad dreams (he’s lying next to me). 

It was embarrassing, especially in the first weeks I was developing my growing crush on me, but then, I needed to remind myself that he’s hurt and he needs closeness, and he doesn’t need any more drama in his life.  
  
But then, I am curious boy. So, one Friday on our movie night, when we were lying on my bed and looking at the ceiling, I asked him.  
  
“I was wondering… I’ve never seen you with anyone. Like, you never have a girlfriend, or… or boyfriend… and it’s weird, especially because you’re on Vortex Club and you’re going on every party and…”, it was awkward, as always, but fortunately for me, Nathan is never awkward.  
  
“It’s because, you know… I don’t like that kind of thing. I don’t believe in making out with someone on parties. I don’t feel that. I’m like, from the beginning, the person who… I need to know someone, like, very well to feel something towards them, you know?”, he looked at me questioningly. “Like, I’m not attracted to people I don’t know a lot about”, he smiled, ending.   
  
“Know a lot… like about Victoria?”, I asked, but I’m sure _‘and me’_ was audible in that question.  
  
“Yes, exactly”, he said then, bluntly. He didn’t asked about me that day, and I was a little bit disappointed about that.

Instead, I googled it too much the next day, to my own good.  
  
I am good at my crush. I’m trying not to show it to anyone (what turns out so badly, sometimes, especially next to Victoria, who likes to look at me incredulously), and I’m treating Nathan with calmly space.   
  
But his craving for physical contact is perplexing sometimes. It’s cute, I have to say, that he started to trust me so much he’s not afraid of me touching him, like it was through first weeks. Then, when I put my arm around him, he tensed instantly. Now, we’re hugging in greeting and farewell and sometimes he likes to cuddle when we’re watching films. He told me once his parents weren’t likely to show affection toward him, and Kristine was the only one who did that. Now, he’s got me and Victoria, and it helps him to feel safe. And I’m proud, once again, that I can be part of it.   
  
He told me once I'm becoming his _"safe place"_ , where he can be himself all the time and he’s feeling normal, when he’s not scared and can be happy. I only smiled at him, that day, but I couldn’t stop thinking about that since then without blushing and annoying knot in my stomach.

 

Lost in thoughts, I tense instantly when I’m hearing slamming doors in the corridor. I am prepared, staying next to the window, when I spot the boy in my door. He looks angry, at first, but the same time he looks at me, he collapses and just starts crying.   
  
Sometimes his instability frightens me, like this time. I close the door after him and waits. I know the rules we once determined with Victoria: we need to wait until he wants us to help in some way.  
  
“It killed me, man”, he cries, sitting on a couch. He looks so small when he's crying, so small and lost I need to fight the urge to hug him. “He was listening, and talking and… I forgot to remember the truth, that I’m alone and nobody cares about me, that my parents don’t give a shit about me and I’m not worth anything…”, I sit on a floor next to him, with the broken expression on my face. “I am not, I won't be ever prepared for that truth…”  
  
“No, Nathan, God forbid, don’t you remember it’s not true?”, I ask calmly, trying very hard to stay serene. “We’re not going to do this to you once again, right? You're over it; we established your father is an asshole who did only one thing in his life right: help you with being here now, with me, where you’re not alone, at all. You won’t be alone ever again, never, do you remember? If I’m not sufficient, I can call Victoria, and she’ll kick your ass for even thinking such things…”, I can see he starts to calm down.   
  
I learned how to act around broken Nathan; sometimes being calm is enough. But I also need to say him things he knows, but forgets from time to time.  
  
“I care about you very much, as well as your sister and Vicki”, I say in a soft voice. “And every other friend from school. I am even sure your mother cares, too. You’re worth a lot, and you know that, we’ve been there so many times before”, I put my hand on his knee and he looks at me, with red eyes, but a sad smile.

In a while, he is sitting next to me. I’m having my arm around his shoulders and drawing small circles on his arm. He’s cold and he’s placing his head on my arm. I can smell the wind in his hair. It’s so nice to have him in my arms that I’m just sitting in a very long time, breathing deeply and feeling his heartbeat next to mine.  
  
“You know, I’ll say those things every time you will be feeling as broken as right now”, I say softly in his hair. “And one day you won’t need this anymore, but we find out something I can be useful for”

He looks me in the eyes, calm now, with surprised expression on his face.  
  
“You will always be needed to me, you know that as much as I know I’ll can find help here, with you, always”, he is certainly too close to me, but I can’t, _don’t want to_ do anything about it. “I don’t need you only to say such things; I just want you to be, next to me, always”, it’s hard to concentrate for me, especially when his maliciously beautiful eyes are so bright now.   
  
“I’ll be, as am I now”, I whisper, because I’m sure he’s looking at my lips now, and I stop thinking a while ago.   
  
“I know, and I hope so”, he says, and I feel his breath on my lips. I catch his gaze in a split second: it’s sure, it’s warm and intoxicated.  
  
When I manage to close my eyes, his breath is replaced with lips, a little bit swollen, but full and soft. I try to focus on breathing, but instead of it, I feel his hand on my face, grabbing it gently, but sure.  
  
I’m scared, every time he tears his lips away from mine, that he won’t connect them again. That kiss is so delicate and intangible that if it would be the case, I would have problem with finding any evidence I didn’t brag it.

But it lasts to the moment I’m brave enough to comb my fingers on hair in the nape on his neck. I stroke them soft, other hand sliding down his arm, to link our fingers together.   
  
I can feel his knee touching my thigh and the smile appearing on that lips, still touching mine, but more fluently now. When his thumb starts to stroke my cheek, I can hear a small gasp. Another moment has to pass for me to realise it came out from my lips.  
  
Then, he stops, and I instantly miss that feeling. He nudges my nose with his softly, and when I’m forcing myself to open my eyes I can see he’s still having his closed. I’m not changing my position, but take advantage of the situation and taking a good look at his face from that close. He’s even more beautiful like that, with the small smile on his lips, long eyelashes so dark and visible and very tiny freckles with the very base of his nose.   
  
He finally opens his frightfully blue eyes.  
  
“It was…”, I start, but then hear how thin my voice is, so instantly shut up.

“I didn’t plan this, at all”, he says calmly, still looking directly in my eyes. It’s hypnotic, the same as the atmosphere around us. I pray he says something not to stop this moment, or to make it happen once again. “But I’m glad it turned out like that”  
  
“You… you wanted that, right?”, I ask, with hope audible so much he smiles wider.  
  
“Yes, I wanted that… And I want more, for some time now…”, he says. “But only with you”

It hit me, that certainty of that words. He still looks at me with wide eyes, and I’m sure I’m looking even more affected. It’s like moving to another dimension, when you’re hearing all the things you’re ever wanted to hear.  
  
“You’re really something, Warren”, he says, still stroking my cheek. “And I want it to be something, too”

I smile, wide now.  
  
“We will be”, I say, when he’s closing the distance between us once again.  
  
And I really mean that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote on the pendant is from Mike Posner song "Be as you are" (I recommend it very much, for everyone feeling down sometimes).
> 
> I told I write second chapter, and I'm doing that. Thanks for that one person who wanted me to do that <3  
> I probably won't finish that like that, but I'm still not sure. 
> 
> For every question: why? I will answer: why not? Especially Victoria/Warren friendship. 
> 
> Thanks everyone who reads that and comments and just likes what I'm doing. Thank you.
> 
> And my English isn't too great, like, ever, so sorry :(

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing that very long... But I needed to do that. My obsession towards Nathan isn't the healthiest, so.   
> And I think I was a little bit hard on Max, but she IS a little shortsighted...
> 
> I hope it's good. I'm thinking about writing something more about them, too.


End file.
